This or That Questions: 168 pairs and a deck you can send
Two options, one pick, no essay required. Below: the full bank sorted into seven decks, the follow-up that stops the game dying after round two, and a deck that turns your own picks into a copy-paste block you can drop straight into a chat.
Play the deck ↓
You already play this game. Every time someone asks whether you want tacos or ramen, that is a this or that: two options, one question, no essay required. The reason it shows up in every group chat, every road trip and every slightly awkward second date is that it does something open questions cannot — it makes answering effortless while still telling you something real about the person answering.
Ask a stranger what they are into and watch them stall. Ask them beach or mountains and the answer arrives before they have decided how to sound. That gap — between the question people cannot answer and the one they cannot help answering — is the entire trick, and it is why a good list of pairs beats a list of clever conversation starters every single time.
What is on this page: the deck itself, 168 pairs across seven categories, playable right here. Then the follow-up move that turns a one-word answer into twenty minutes of talking, packs sorted by situation, a flirty tier with an 18+ switch, the over-text format that actually gets replies, and an honest list of the five ways this game falls apart. Start with the deck — it builds something you can paste into a chat in about ninety seconds.
🃏 This or That deck — build something to send
Tap the side you’d actually choose. After 15 picks you get a copy-paste block with your answers plus five pairs built out of them — the kind nobody else on earth has. 168 pairs in the deck.
Everything shuffled together — the safest opener when you don’t know the person yet.
Why two options beat an open question
Open questions push all the work onto the other person. “Tell me about yourself” is a blank page, and blank pages are where conversations go to die — especially over text, where there is no face to read and no silence pressuring anyone to fill it. A pair hands them a multiple-choice test with two correct answers. The cost of replying drops to almost nothing.
Three things happen when you cut the options down to two. The answer comes fast, so the conversation keeps momentum. The quiet person in the group actually speaks, because picking a side is not the same as performing. And you end up with a real data point instead of a paragraph of nothing — someone who says “aisle, always” has just told you they get up constantly, hate feeling boxed in, or drink too much coffee on planes.
| What you ask | What you get back | Why |
|---|---|---|
| “Tell me about yourself.” | “Uh… what do you want to know?” | No frame. They have to guess what you care about before they can answer. |
| “What is your ideal weekend?” | “Just chilling, I guess.” | Too broad. The honest answer feels boring out loud, so they hedge. |
| “Beach or mountains?” | “Mountains. I burn in nine minutes.” | Two doors, both open. The reason arrives for free. |
| “Text back instantly or three hours later?” | “Three hours. I hate feeling on call.” | A pair about behavior gets you a rule they live by. |
Look at the third column. Nobody just picks a side — they pick and then justify, and the justification is the part you were actually after. That unpaid extra sentence is the whole reason this format survives: you asked about seats on a plane and got told how someone handles feeling trapped.
The three-second rule
If a pair takes more than three seconds to answer, it is not a pair — it is a decision. “Coffee or tea” is a pair. “Move abroad or stay near your parents” is a decision. Decisions are great, but they belong in the deep deck, late, with someone who trusts you. Fire one of those into a group chat at 4pm and watch the conversation stop dead.
How to play it: in person, over text, in a group
The pairs matter less than the format you play them in. Same fifteen questions can be a warm hour or a dead-eyed survey depending on one or two rules. Here is what changes per setting.
🪑Face to face
Answer at the same time.
Count down from three and both say your pick out loud together. It kills the copying instinct and doubles the laughs when you clash. Alternate who invents the pair every few rounds so it never turns into an interview.
📱Over text
Always answer your own pair.
Sending a pair without your own answer reads like a survey. Send the pair, add your pick, and they will mirror the format back without being asked. Two pairs per message, maximum — more than that and it looks like homework.
🎉In a group
Point left or right on three.
Everyone votes at once with a hand. Whoever ends up in the minority gets thirty seconds to defend the pick. That one rule is the difference between a list of questions and a game people ask to play again.
The default version has no scoring, and that is usually right — the moment you add points, people start answering to win rather than answering honestly. But if the group is competitive, or you are two hours into a drive and need a reason to keep going, a light layer of stakes does the job.
Match count
Run fifteen pairs and count how many you both landed on the same side. Twelve or more and you are suspiciously similar. Under six and you have a much more interesting night ahead.
Odd one out
In a group, the minority defends. If a vote is unanimous, whoever asked the pair takes the punishment instead — it forces people to write sharper pairs.
Defend it
You get thirty seconds to argue for your side. Anyone who says “I just do” loses the round. Great with people who are too used to winning arguments.
Speed round
Ten pairs, five seconds each, no explanations allowed until the end. Then go back to the two answers that surprised everyone and only talk about those.
One rule beats all of these: whoever asks, answers. The person running the deck goes first on their own pair, every time. It costs nothing, and it is the single difference between a game and an interview. This is also what makes never have I ever work in a circle — everyone is exposed at the same rate.
The follow-up is the entire game
Here is where almost everyone loses. You ask a great pair, they give a great answer, and you say “nice, okay — next one.” Ten pairs later you know fifteen facts about a person and you have not had a single conversation. The pair is not the content. The pair is the door.
The move is simple: after an answer that has any texture to it, ask one question that goes down a level. Not sideways to a new topic — down, into the same one. When did that start, who taught you that, when was the last time, what would have to change. One follow-up per three pairs is enough. Do it on every pair and you are back to running an interrogation.
This works
- “Mountains.” → “When were you last on one?”
- “Night shower.” → “So you go to bed clean. Is your bed a sacred zone?”
- “Cook dinner.” → “What is the one thing you actually cook well?”
- “Being chased.” → “Has anyone ever chased you properly, or do you always end up doing it?”
This kills it
- “Mountains.” → “Cool. Coffee or tea?”
- “Night shower.” → “Same.”
- “Cook dinner.” → “Interesting.”
- “Being chased.” → “Ha, me too. Next.”
What one follow-up does to four lines
You: window seat or aisle?
Them: window, always.
You: even on a twelve-hour flight where you have to climb over two strangers to get out?
Them: especially then. I do not sleep unless I can lean on something.
You: so you are a leaner. Do you fall asleep in cars too, or only when it is someone else driving?
Four lines in and you are talking about trust and sleep instead of airline seating. Nothing clever happened — one question just refused to move on. That is the skill, and it is the only part of this game worth practicing.
Packs by situation
A pair that kills at a party can flatten a first date, and vice versa. These five sets are pulled straight from the deck above, grouped by the situation they were built for. Steal them whole or use them as the first six and let the deck handle the rest.
☕First date
You have twenty minutes of nerves to burn and neither of you wants to talk about work.
- · coffee or tea
- · window seat or aisle seat
- · the same lunch every day or something new every day
- · a loud coffee shop or a dead-quiet library
- · planning the weekend on Monday or deciding at 6pm Saturday
- · a phone call or a long text
💞Two years in
You know everything and you are still staring at the same ceiling asking what to talk about.
- · talking it out at 2am or sleeping on it and talking at breakfast
- · the gift you asked for or the gift they picked
- · hearing every detail of their day or hearing the one thing that mattered
- · one big trip a year or a small weekend every month
- · being the one who apologizes first or the one who lets it go
- · a list of everything you love about them or one thing said out loud every week
🍻Friends who know too much
Nothing surprises anyone anymore, so go sideways instead of deeper.
- · famous for something stupid or great at something nobody sees
- · your search history public or your bank balance public
- · arm-wrestling your best friend for $10,000 or splitting $500 and never mentioning it
- · losing every photo you own or losing every song you own
- · unsaying one thing you said or hearing one thing they never said
- · answering everything honestly for a day or hearing the truth from everyone for an hour
🎉Party of eight
Half the room has not met the other half and the music is not doing the work.
- · pizza or tacos
- · pineapple on pizza or a lifetime ban on it
- · dessert first or dessert never
- · one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses
- · always ten minutes late or always forty minutes early
- · a dragon the size of a cat or a cat that can talk trash
🚗The long drive
Four hours left, the playlist is done, and podcasts feel like giving up.
- · a road trip or a long train ride
- · every hour planned or no plan at all
- · the famous tourist spot or a neighborhood nobody recommended
- · moving abroad for a year or a perfect two weeks every year
- · a hostel full of strangers or a hotel room alone
- · four hundred photos or zero photos, just looking
Notice the pattern: the closer the relationship, the more the pairs are about behavior rather than taste. With a stranger you ask about seats and coffee. With someone you have loved for two years you ask whether they would rather hear every detail of your day or the one thing that mattered — and then you find out you have been giving them the wrong one for months.
The flirty tier, and how to climb it
Flirty pairs are the reason half the people reading this searched for the game in the first place, and they are also the easiest way to blow up a promising chat. The failure mode is always the same: someone jumps three rungs at once, gets a one-word reply, and then sends another spicy pair to fix it.
Climb instead. Every rung has a tell — if they answer fast, add a detail you did not ask for, or send a pair back at the same heat, go up one. If they answer with a single word, stay exactly where you are for two more pairs. It is not a rule about being polite, it is about not wasting a good chat.
Rung 1 · warm
Preferences with a pulse, nothing you could not say in a work kitchen.
e.g. texting first or making them text first · a compliment about your face or about your mind
Rung 2 · interested
Now it is about them and you, and both options assume something is happening.
e.g. holding eye contact or looking away first · someone who teases you or someone who spoils you
Rung 3 · charged
Physical, specific, still no explicit words. This is where most people stop, and stopping here is fine.
e.g. neck kisses or forehead kisses · slow dancing in the kitchen or making out in a parked car
Rung 4 · 18+
Only after they have matched your energy twice in a row. Both consenting adults, or you do not open this one.
e.g. taking charge or being told what to do · lights on or lights off
The deck above keeps rung four behind an 18+ switch that is off by default, so you can hand your phone to anyone without a surprise. Turn it on and roughly a dozen explicit pairs join the flirty pool. Same rules apply as with truth or dare: consenting adults, and a pair nobody answers is a pair you drop without comment.
One line that saves the whole thing
If a pair lands wrong, do not explain it and do not apologize twice. Send the next one two rungs lower and keep moving. Over-explaining a flirty question is what makes it weird; treating it like it was nothing is what makes it fine.
Over text: drip or block
Texting has two completely different versions of this game, and picking the wrong one is why your last attempt died. The drip is one pair at a time with follow-ups in between. The block is fifteen pairs in a single message, your answers already filled in, and an invitation to send theirs back. Which one works depends entirely on how fast the other person replies.
| Format | Use it when | Fails when |
|---|---|---|
| Drip | They reply within minutes and you both have time to burn. Best for the first hour of a new chat. | They are at work. Ten pairs land at once and read as needy. |
| Block | They answer in hours, not seconds. One message each keeps the whole game alive across a day. | You send it cold to someone who has not replied since Tuesday. |
The block only works if you fill in your own answers first. A bare list of pairs is a chore; the same list with your picks and one joke in it is a thing people answer in the elevator. Keep it under fifteen, keep the answers short, and put the invitation at the bottom, not the top.
This or that, my answers already in — send yours back 👇 1. Coffee or tea → tea, and I will not be taking questions 2. Window seat or aisle → window, I need something to lean on 3. Text back in four seconds or three hours later → four seconds, sadly 4. Cook dinner or order in → cook, badly 5. Beach or mountains → mountains Answer with just the words, no numbers needed. Whoever gets fewest matches buys coffee.
That is exactly the shape the deck above spits out, with your real picks and five extra pairs fused out of them. If you would rather not build it by hand at midnight, scroll up, tap fifteen sides, hit copy. For a slower, sillier version of the same message, the would you rather format handles the “I need this to be funny” nights better.
Where this game breaks
Every list of questions on the internet stops at the questions. Here is the other half — the five ways this game reliably falls over, and what to do in the moment instead of afterwards.
🕵️It turns into an interrogation
Ten pairs in a row with no answers from you is not a game, it is a form. Answer every pair you send, and let them ask a few. The rhythm should feel like passing something back and forth, not filling out a questionnaire.
🃏Every pair is a joke
Duck-sized horses are great for ninety seconds. If the whole set is absurd, nobody learns anything and the game dies with the laugh. Salt the chaotic pairs into a deck of real ones instead of running twenty in a row.
🤷Someone answers “both” every time
Usually it means the pairs are too close together, not that the person is difficult. Widen the gap — “coffee or tea” is fine, “coffee or espresso” is not — and add a rule that “both” costs you the right to ask the next one.
🧨You go deep too early
“Be needed or be free” on message four lands like a job interview from a therapist. Deep pairs work once someone has already told you three small true things. Earn the depth with everyday pairs first.
📉You are the only one playing
If they answer with a single word twice and never send one back, the game is not the problem — the timing is. Drop it, talk about something else, and try again another day. Chasing it with more pairs makes it worse every time.
There is a sixth one that is nobody’s fault: sometimes there is simply no one around at 1am, and the game needs two people. That is the only failure this page can actually fix.
Run the deck with an AI character
10 characters
A second player who never answers “idk”
The block you built above is designed to be pasted at another human. It also works dropped straight into a chat with a character here — and unlike your group chat at 1am, it comes back answered in full. Paste the fifteen, tell them to pick a side on every line, and then do the thing this whole article is about: push on the two answers that surprised you.
The difference from a question list is that the other side has a personality to defend. Bella will argue for the loud coffee shop and tell you why silence makes her twitchy. Damian will pick the aisle seat and be smug about it. They stay in character, they push back, and the panel showing what they remember about you fills up with the picks you made, which means round two starts where round one ended.
The first scene runs without an account, so testing it costs you a minute — open a chat with no login, paste the block, and see how far the follow-ups go. If it turns into an actual scene rather than a quiz, that is the point: the game was always just the excuse to start talking.
Make someone answer all fifteen
Paste your block into a chat, watch them pick a side on every line, then start pulling on the two that did not fit.
Start with Bella →free to start · in English · adult mode optional
Frequently asked questions
What are this or that questions?+
This or that is a game where you offer two options and the other person picks one — coffee or tea, window seat or aisle, text back instantly or three hours later. There is no right answer and no explaining required, which is exactly why people answer instead of stalling. It works as an icebreaker with strangers, a filler on a long drive, and a way back into conversation with someone you have known for years. The pairs on this page are sorted into seven decks so you can match the mood instead of firing random questions at people.
What are good this or that questions for couples?+
The best couples pairs are about how you two actually run day to day, not about hypotheticals. Ask a good-morning text every day or one long call every night; talking it out at 2am or sleeping on it and talking at breakfast; the gift you asked for or the gift they picked; being the one who apologizes first or the one who lets it go. Answers to those turn into real conversations about expectations, because you are both describing what you want without having to open with a complaint. Switch the deck above to Couples for two dozen of them.
How is this or that different from would you rather?+
Would you rather is built on absurd stakes and forced trade-offs — fight a horse-sized duck, lose your photos or lose your music. It is a comedy engine. This or that is built on preferences that are true right now: what you eat, how you travel, how you argue. One makes the table laugh, the other tells you who someone is. Most good nights use both, starting with this or that to get people talking and switching to would you rather when the energy drops.
How do you play this or that over text?+
Two ways. The drip: one pair at a time, you answer too, you ask a follow-up before sending the next one — best when you are trying to keep a slow conversation alive over hours. Or the block: send fifteen pairs at once with your own answers already filled in and ask them to send theirs back. The block works better with people who take hours to reply, because the whole game survives one message each. The deck above builds that block for you and puts a Copy button under it.
What are good flirty this or that questions?+
Start warm, not explicit: holding eye contact or looking away first; texting first or making them text first; a compliment about your face or a compliment about your mind. Then read what comes back. If they answer fast and add detail, go up a rung — neck kisses or forehead kisses, someone who teases you or someone who spoils you. If they answer with one word, stay where you are. The Flirty deck above has an 18+ switch that unlocks the explicit half, and it is off by default for a reason.
How many this or that questions do you need for a party?+
For a group of six to ten, plan on about thirty pairs for an hour — you burn through them fast because the fun is in the arguing, not the answering. Do it as a vote: everyone points left or right at the same time, then whoever ended up alone has to defend their choice for thirty seconds. That single rule turns a list of questions into an actual game. Mix light food and everyday pairs early, hold the chaotic ones for when the room needs a jolt.
What to read next
Other games that survive both a group of eight and a chat at 1am:
About The Author & Editorial Standards
RPDATE Editorial Team
Editorial pageEditorial Team
The RPDATE editorial team prepares practical guides on roleplay dialogue design, character dynamics, and scene structure. We focus on tested recommendations and clear product context.
This article is prepared by the RPDATE editorial team based on direct product usage, scenario testing, and platform-level comparison. We update guides when UX, pricing, filtering, or access conditions change.
What was tested:
- Real chat sessions with multiple character types and tags
- Conversation consistency, memory behavior, and prompt adherence
- Onboarding friction: signup, paywalls, platform constraints
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